I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
