I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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