did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i think my cat just said my name.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
