i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
