you traded sex for a burrito?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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