this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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