Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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