remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize