it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
