Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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