So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
