My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So here I am, sexting at work.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
