you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
