you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
