after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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