At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
