She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
