And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
