this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You made out with two different species that night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
