I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
