guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
