three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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