Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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