he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
