i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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