The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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