Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
