I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
