clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
