I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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