This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
...so i touched it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
