Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
