i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
