I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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