My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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