every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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