allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Congratulations! We have a period
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
