dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
