4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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