now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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