ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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