so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
