i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
