Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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