I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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