if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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