I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
