Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
