I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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