Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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