She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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