Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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