He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
