I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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