He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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