look no pants
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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