I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
