You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Two words: blizzard sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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