i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
