Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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