I think I am morally bankrupt
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
