Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
